us polo assn store Five basics for healthy children
There are five critical elements of healthy parenting, five simple basics that are necessary even if they may not be sufficient to raising psychologically healthy children.
PREDICTABILITY OVER TIME. When the world is unpredictable, people are forced to use precious energy to cope with the simple tasks of day to day living.
When will I get breakfast? Who will be home for me after school? What will happen if I swear? Predictability preserves that same emotional energy for growing and learning.
In this sense, your goal is to be boring. This doesn mean you can have fun. It means the routines and rituals of home life are known and familiar. Dependable.
When life is predictable, your kids will be less anxious, more mature and more open to change. There will be fewer opportunities for power struggles and more opportunities to build self esteem and family harmony.
PHYSICAL BOUNDARIES. Just as you might feel safer knowing that the door is closed and locked, kids feel safer when the physical space around them is bounded. When they know what theirs and what isn matter your circumstance, every child should be afforded some space that exclusively their own. A taped line dividing a shared bedroom, a shoebox in which to keep precious, private possessions. The security of knowing that a closed door won be opened.
These are the things that build security in physical space, ever so much more prized as adolescence approaches.
BEHAVIORAL LIMITS. These describe the rules and consequences you establish for your kids. The goal should be to create a small handful of basic then expectations that everyone in the family knows.
you eat your supper, then you get dessert. you hit your sister, then you go to your room. one can tell you what limits to set or which consequences to provide, but some basic guidelines can be helpful:
Safety first. Any behavior that threatens anyone safety requires an immediate response.
Reward successes, don wait to punish failures. Too many caregivers are guilty of wheel parenting Too busy to compliment a job well done, only the wheels that squeak get the oil. This approach can actually teach kids to misbehave by implicitly rewarding them with your time and attention.
Tailor expectations and consequences to each child needs and abilities. There are no solutions. It OK to establish different expectations and consequences for different kids.
Follow through. None of your efforts matter if you don follow through with consequences. (Refer to above.)
EMOTIONAL STABILITY. You are your child secure base, the foundation of the skyscraper that your son or daughter is becoming, one story at a time.
Your strong emotions can be like earthquakes shaking his foundation. Your emotion will only provoke his emotion in a downward spiral until neither of you are acting reasonably.
Your goal is to be calm and firm and always loving. It only a goal,
though, because we all human. At the least, demonstrate the maturity to go back after the explosion to apologize and learn to do better next time.
CONSISTENCY AMONG CAREGIVERS. Your efforts to establish predictability, stability, boundaries and limits are necessary, but may not be sufficient.
Chances are that you part of a caregiving team. You and the others with whom you share responsibility for your kids (other parents, grandparents, baby sittters and nannies, teachers and caregivers) must find ways of cooperating and communicating together. The greater the consistency among you, the safer and more secure your child will feel.
Having done all of this, expect defiance.
It human nature. As much as we crave limits and boundaries, predictability and consistency and stability, we inevitably resent them. We test limits to see what we can get away with, angry but reassured when the consequence is firm and predictable.
Parenting is the art of establishing a calm, loving and secure world for your child to explore, constantly adjusting it to his unique and changing needs. It a constant challenge, full of wonderful rewards and tragic losses, but for most of us,
it the most important challenge we ever pursue.